I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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