Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
