i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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