he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
