Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
