Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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