Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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