omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Randomize
