just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
