she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Randomize
