if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
