I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Even the bartender felt bad for me
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
