I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
you have to choose: penises or morals?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
