I must be too annoying 4 u.
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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