now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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