Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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