i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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