That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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