Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
