im drinking this country out of the recession.
You can't motorboat a personality
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
