I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
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