She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
