I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
BRING THE BAGELS
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
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