Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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