Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
