The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
