Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
