hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
