Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize