And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
