Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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