No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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