btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize