i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
