he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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