We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
