I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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