I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
