Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
