I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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