Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
