I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
