Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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