I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Randomize
