census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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