Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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