remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
