Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
