I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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