like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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