this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Randomize
