After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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