I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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