Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
