I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
