why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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