I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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