Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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