I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
