you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
ok first of all what the fuck
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
