weddingsv make me drug and hornr
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
