Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
