I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
