YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
