I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
