no, he came in my armpit
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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