put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
