If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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