you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
