this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
