When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
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