JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
