He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
