I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
