thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
She is in my trunk
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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