I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
