she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
