great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Randomize
