During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
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