suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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