i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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