Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Randomize
