I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I just found puke in my bra..
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
