good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
