You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize