I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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