so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Randomize
