community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
