im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
