Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
