Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize