I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
