We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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