so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
it was like eating out sand paper
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
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