Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
