I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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