The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
and i looked up. we had an audience...
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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