My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
