I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
