So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Randomize