Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
